my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
