forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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