For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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