grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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