uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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