what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
