dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
