3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
