My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
