i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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