I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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