i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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