HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
