Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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