hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
