Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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