Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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