Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
