it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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