found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
