i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
