Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
