and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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