the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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