i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
