xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
