I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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