He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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