I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
