you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
