i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
