I smell stomach acid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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