In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
