Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
