i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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