so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
