Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
