it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
