suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I pour the whiskey from now on
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
