We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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