why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
