please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
