Kiss
Puke
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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