I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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