think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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