Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
