no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's not a foreskin expert like you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
