Your favorite bartender is back from prision
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
