The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
