you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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