i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
