mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
