People with herpes should wear stickers.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
