Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
