There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
