so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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