i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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