You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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