Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
