You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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