So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
