After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
