C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
