Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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