i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
