So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
