That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
