Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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