I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
