One girl and one boy is just not enough.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
