I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
