Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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