i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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