I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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