Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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