SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
