i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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