I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
