I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
