He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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