I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's always time for handjobs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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